“go to work, send your kids to school follow fashion, act normal walk on the pavements, watch T.V. save for your old age, obey the law"

"Repeat after me: I am free”

http://www.pocinofoods.com/specialties.html

Why should the pigs have all the fun?

om nomnom nom nom nom nom nom

Date: 2006-08-25, 9:18AM CDT


What the hell happened to my butthole

Let me start here...

Sunday evening I was starting to get my wits back. You see I had been drinking like a sailor on a 2 day the night before. This really has nothing to do with what happened next (or does it??).

I was about to throw a pair of sweats on and sink into a lazyboy to watch a little Entourage when I feel (and hear) my stomach rumble. Oh yeah, I guess last nights drinking has finally decided to catch up with me. The gurgle was enough to trigger a brisk walk to my salvation area. Yes the bathroom. I call it this because I have young children and sometimes I'll even fake having to take a duker just to get a little 10 minute "its all about me" rest. Pathetic, yes I know...but you get your small slices of joy where you can.

I digress, I storm throught the bathroom door and actually struggle a little to get the boxer-briefs down in time for an explosive havanna omelette (copyright Craigslist). I mean it is loud, eratic, and extremely smelly. I am in mid-shit actually considering if I will have to do a quick toilet brush swipe when this is all over. The thing that is different from the Sunday evenings past is that this particual movement actually has an itchy kind of burning sensation. Nothing to be alarmed about at this point, but just a little tougher on the old ass pipe than usual. I complete the act with little trouble and I gotta tell ya, my belly feels nothing but sweet, sweet relief.

I wad up a little extra paper from the full roll next to me in antipipation of some extra TLC and a potential "finger-poke-through" (you cant be too careful) and begin a deliberate wipe. HOLY GOD! Its like I just wiped my ass with a broken beer bottle! What the hell happened. A "roid" oh God dont let it be a roid...a polyp..I dont even know what that is. Is it some kind of venomous insect that found its way into my underwear and bit me? I decide its best to grab a little lotion from the toiletries stand next to the thrown and apply it liberally to the paper before each wipe. WOW, this feels much nicer. Repeat this step 3 or 4 times until I'm sure there is nothing to blow into my underwear later and I get up. I think about a shower, but I dont wanna miss my show. Nothing else to report at this point.

Monday - Get up and go to work. Cup of Joe and a smoke. Instand laxitive. I go into the work head. HOLY GOD its back! My ass is on fire. Like I just sat on a ground nest of yellow jackets. I wipe a tear from my eye and begin a wipe that would bring an Ultimate Fighter to his knees. Holy Fuck how bout the boss coughing up for some 3 ply instead of this $5 per case freezer paper.

Tuesday - See Monday (I actually look down to see if somebody put a cactus in the bowl)

Wednesday - See Tuesday

Thursday - After my Joe and Smoke I am considering hold it as long as I can. I make it about an extra 1/2 hour and my knees and chest hurt so I surrender - See Wednesday

Today (Friday) - On my way in to the office, I am worried and actually thinking about what I can potentially rub on my ass before my Joe and Smoke to ensure an easier delivery. Butter! I think there's butter in the work fridge. What better natual lubricant? This will definitely dull the shards of glass that will soon be piercing my lower regions. When I get here I go right for the cooler, throw open the door and grab the old Oleo. What the hell am I doing. Its come to this? Am I an animal or some sicko..could you imagine somebody walking in during application? Or worse my guilt after putting this back in the Kenmore when I'm finished. Thats just wrong. I decide against it. Before my Joe and Smoke, I actually feel a rumble. Lets get it on. Now I'm just pissed. I head into the latreen (sp?) and let 'er fly. I havent been this scared since Poltegiest in the theater when I was 9. That was a PG movie?? I'm off-track..sorry. Nothing...no pain...no tear...no horror. Just the regualr ol shot gun full of pudding against the back of the bowl. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I hope its really over. What the hell was that anyway?

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/198670874.html

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, ‘What did you steal?’

She replied: a can of peaches.

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.

The judge then said, ‘I will give you 6 days in jail.’

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

He said, ‘ What is it? ‘

The husband said ‘She also stole a can of peas

Two drunks are driving down the road drinking beer. All of a sudden they see lights flashing in the rear view mirror. "What are we going to do?", asks the drunk passenger.

"Don't worry", I know what to do. Peel the label off your bottle and stick it to your forehead and let me do all the talking.

They pull over and the cop gets out. "May I see your license and registration?", he asks. The guy gives him his license. "Have you been drinking?", replied the officer. "No sir.", said the driver.

Well, you were weaving back and forth. "Are you sure you haven't had anything to drink?", The officer asked.

"I swear officer, I haven't had a sip.", the driver muttered.

Well, "Why do you have beer labels on your foreheads?"

The man answers, "These aren't labels. We're alcoholics, and we're on the patch."

http://www.hbo.com/generationkill/ <- wait out flash crap
(non-optional flash crap). Click "support the troops". Fill out
info. HBO donates supplies in your name, at no cost to you.

[Congressional Record: July 31, 2008 (Senate)]
[Page S7955-S7956]

S. 3405. A bill to prohibit secret modifications and revocations of
the law, and for other purposes; to the Committee on Homeland Security
and Governmental Affairs.

( Clear and transparent )

http://www.break.com/index/amazing-blob-jump-launch.html

Osama bin Laden's driver told a pair of FBI agents that it was America's fault that the al Qaida leader was alive. The message was, ''You had these opportunities, America. You didn't do anything.''

Make sure to read the comments in the article (linked after cut)
( Who's fault? Allowed to happen? )

WARNING VIOLENT AND BLOODY IMAGES FOLLOW


Broken link because morons click forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2911606



weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Day 16
Monday, July 21st

Took out a sample, yeasty, sweet and a bit dry, a couple more days perhaps?

*edit* Fermentation has stopped, bottled (siphoned) and aging in the cooler.

( pics )

Tags: brew, wine

Just before Santa Clara County immigrants were sworn in as U.S. citizens, they got voter-registration cards and were shown how to fill them out. At the conclusion of the naturalization ceremony, most new citizens had signed the cards and handed them in to become registered voters.

But in March, U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services declared that the county registrar of voters must not hand out those cards until the recipients are officially citizens. And now voter registration has plunged by 82 percent.

( County voter drive blocked )

White House Accidentally E-Mails to Reporters Story That Maliki Supports Obama Iraq Withdrawal Plan

( whoops )

A leading cyber-security expert and former adviser to Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) says he has fresh evidence regarding election fraud on Diebold electronic voting machines during the 2002 Georgia gubernatorial and senatorial elections.
In 1995, Spoonamore received a civilian citation for his work with the Department of Defense. He was again recognized for his contributions in 2004 by the Department of Homeland Security. Spoonamore is also a registered Republican and until recently was advising the McCain campaign.

(tons of links/sources in article included after cut)
( shinanagans! )

Hit book's author says Bush can be charged with murder

Vincent Bugliosi's long-time literary manage